weird

i am finding new things out about my droid. just stops typing when you get to the bottom of the txt box. interesting. sorry last post was cut off. but anyways. so yeah huge new puppy and i love every inch of him. he is currently taking up the entirety of the foot of the bed.gonna try to get some good pics of him up on face book tomorrow. hopefully i can get some good ones. want him shown in the best light.he s really beautiful. not pretty like ragnar but noble looking in his own right. cute specales all over his muzzle too. idk if ill get a good enough pic to show it or not but one set of eye lashes are white and the other black. adorable. gonna try for sleep now too. goodnight world.

a

Big things...

hello internet. well as title states, big things are happening on beech st. we decided to give vasili to stace, stephenie s sister. idk when she will be taking him. prob after the first of the year. he has a vet appt on the twenty ninth. but we were in rmond today at the shelter and i founf the most adorable face i could not pass him up.everyone is gonna think im crazy. no one is gonna understand. people may never come to my house again but......i love him. ok cant use alt and symbols on my droid for this. interesting. but back to my puppy. youll never guess what he is....go on guess.....no ideas?.....he is a bernese mountain and st. bernard mix. absolutely adorable. yes he s huge. yes he s gonna get huger. i could not pass him up though.kirk was a little ummm....cant think of the word not wanting to at first but fell for him when he heard he was free and already house trained broken whatever. i cant fig out how to post pics on here or i would. i have found one of the funniest most interesting things to watch... two hearding dogs trying to heard each other. circles and circle. neither really getting anywhere. kirk was just proding them along too. in true kirk and autumn fashion he has an out there name. abbadon. said like it looks like. idk phenetic spelling. kirk wanted a bad ass name. i wanted something oxymoron like fluffy. abbadon just clicked though and that was that

what to say...

Hello...been a little while. Been having some fun. Quit my job today. Everyone is gonna think im an idiot. Why would i quit a job where all i did was sit on my butt in front of a computer and talk on the phone all day? Many reasons. If you wanna know, call me txt me...i'll ramble on and tell you.

Had a really good visit with everyone this past weekend, well the 5th. Everyone came down and we put up the tree, had g'pa's pizza and played Jenga. Le couldnt make it but andrea was sick. prob not fun to travel with a sick kid. JP and Stephie stayed after everyone left for a while. They brought Guitar hero. First time i had ever played. It was interesting. little difficult to get the hang of. There were only a couple songs that i knew. That does help a lot though. if you know the songs. we'll prob all be playing that up at Le's next weekend for the family christmas thingy.

Depression has been pretty bad recently. I actually picked up a box cutter and started in on my arm like old days but kirk stopped me. Dont know what has caused it. I dont think its the weather cause i like the cold. def prefer it to the hot. No major catastrophe in my life... Just kinda came up and bit me in the butt. Giving Stace Vacilli(vicinni). Only slightly attatched to him and i know he is going to a good home. i know she is gonna love him. Prob more than i do. And there is the thought of getting a new puppy. Always exciting. Depression's just got me by my spinal cord and wont let go. I've been achie and cranky and everything for a while. Maybe it will just go away again on its own soon.

Kirk is doing the dishes right now, bless him. He always does things to help me. I know he worries about me going way off the deep end while he's at work and he won't be here. He should be getting a break for Christmas here soon. I should be able to spend a lot of time with him then. That will be nice. I'm just gonna clean house and the such until then i suppose.

Still going to the gym. havent seen much progress. Prob gonna take a while though. Jaz says it takes like a month for your muscles to change so will be a while b4 it gets easier. that is a slight bummer but i'm doing the best i can to stay determined. Just difficult when you dont see any improvement.

But gonna go. Meat loaf is almost ready. ^_^

Epiphany

So i'm sitting here on my bed staring at the ceiling listening to pandora and wishing i could get back to sleep when it hits me....IM FAT. yes i know i've said it b4. yes i've tried to do something(half heartedly) b4. But this was different. I know why....or i can admit why. I hate movement. Its all painful. No where near what my aunt goes through, but painful bc of my weight. It hurts my knees and ankles to stand. It makes me feel stupid when my stomach jiggles when i walk. But i know what to do! Yes i've been going to the gym for a month now. But yesterday, Jaz made me work. REALLY work. It was enlightening. i CAN do it. for so long i would give up when i felt like my lungs were gonna explode. i would give up when my legs would start to buckle. if i felt like i was gonna be sick then that was the end of whatever i was doing. But Jaz wouldnt let me stop. She forced me to breath even though each hurt like the 7 lvls of hates. When my legs gave she picked me up and made me get back at it. When i was gonna get sick, she said "Go ahead and when youre finished come back so you can finish your 10 minutes." Now this all seems heartless on her part. its not. she was tired of seeing me walk away from the gym with no more than a sweat and maybe a miligram of water weight lost. She understands what i want, what i can do, how much it hurts me, and then pushes me beyond them all. When i walked out of that gym yesterday, yes i was sweating, yes i stank, yes my shirt was sticking to me and showing all the many layers of fat that i have, but i felt like i got something done. really got something done. That is really a first for me in the "fitness" field. Maybe.......just maybe.....i can get something done this time. maybe just maybe this time something will go different....maybe i can go up to jeremy's one time to get pictures done and i will not wonder if my stomach is showing through my shirt. maybe just maybe.....i wont feel embarassed to stand next to kirk who looks so good. maybe.....i can have a pair of jeans for more than a month bc they wont wear out in the thigh. maybe......maybe i could actually have some energy. maybe i could go to king's island or a renaissance festival and not come back with actual bruises on my feel bc i weigh so much. maybe just maybe.....i wouldnt be afraid to go outside....who woulda known that you can develope agoraphobia bc of the way you look. Maybe i would wear my hair down more often? Maybe i would be able to wear high heels?(ok seriously doubt that one. still gonna be a klutz no matter how much i weigh ^_^) i could go into a store find some jeans and just leave with them (not steal!) but not have to try them on cause i know they would fit. the store would be outta them cause everyone wears them not cause they dont carry that far up. So with all these maybe running around in my head, I'm gonna get up and go to the gym with Jaz. throw up explode my lungs and try to find some reason to enjoy every minute when i've only have an hour and a half of sleep. Yes i have officailly stepped off the edge of the planet. Now i'm somewhere where people like me to go a gym and like it....

No where to begin. Just gonna ramble. Just felt like talking and I dont really have anyone to talk to. Found pandora today. Just kinda thought kirk liked it cause he really likes music but i really like it too. So been listening to it and pretty much bsing my day away. killed my self at the gym earlier. Got my heart rate up to 180. pretty sure that's not good since the person told me that 150-like 160 was the cardio region. Not completely dead yet so maybe the heart attack will hold off for a while. maybe if i break my self down far enough i will find something that i like. OK ill admit it. pretty depressed today. Dont wanna go back on medicine though. Medicine is always the cure for everything. Everyone always tells me that the issues that i have with my bio mom is the root of all of my unhappiness. Yeah Yeah Yeah. really tired of hearing that one. I think what my major problem is is my weight. Nothing had happened really and i've been going to the gym for a month now. Getting depressing in itself. I eat bc im unhappy and im unhappy bc i eat. hmmm killing cycle? Idk what to do. starve myself? no tried that one. no sugar? nope passed out every other hour. Presciption drugs? Nope they didnt help. just made me jittery and feel like i needed to do something all the time. so what to do? Take myself apart like i do everything else. Deconstruct the situation. Go back to what little psychological training i have had? I seem to have some good days. In all honesty they are more numerous than the bad days. I think i just keep trying to fill my life with stuff(bs) bc i cant find whatever it is my soul is looking for. Kirk supports me in my efforts. He holds me when i cry. makes me laugh. makes me feel love. He made it possible for me to have animals in my life. Animals are as vital to my being as Kirk is. I just dont know what it is i'm looking for. There is something out there. Something in the great big world that will make me feel complete. There is something that i need. Art? if only. I wish i had a little work shop. Potters wheel, kiln, glazes and tables, blocks of clay.......oh how lovely that would be. But how practical is that? i wouldnt do anything with it. Just catharsis. we wouldnt need to buy any dishes though. Maybe i could go back to school. Do something that i hate so that i could get money so maybe i could have something that i loved. that would be nice. I wish i could make money with something that i loved. Who knows. maybe some day i will find contentment in something. I just like new nice things i guess. guess everyone does. maybe im not as out of balance and i think. who knows?

Long night

Hello Everyone!

Sitting around playing on the laptop. So very happy to have one back. Thanks Jeremy for helping us pick the right one!

So Kirk is at work and i dont really have anything to do. Just thought that i would write here on my blog. Kinda gettig addicted to it. This way i don't annoy all the people on facebook. LOL. But yes i am just sitting around watching Mr. Deeds. The butler is hilarious. THe puppies are running around, and then just falling over cause they run themselves silly.

Hopefully things will get better with Kirk and his job. He had an interview with Dot Foods Thursday. They said that we may not hear from them for 1 or 2 weeks. Kinda long time to wait. If all goes well he will advance to the next round of interviewing. Then if all goes well he will have a job. Well a new job. Indalex/ Sapa is just tearing him to shreds. He has more scars than he ever recieved in the first 18 years of his life. Bundles fell on him. He has to work in approx 100degF temps, in long sleeves, and jeans. From what he tells me the conditions just sound terrible. Dot sounds much better. A little bit farther away but if it helps him not hate that part of his life than i am all for supporting that.

So what to do now? What should i do until Kirk gets home? Only about an hour left. Very well may be the longest hour of my life. And now I'm just rambling so I'm gonna go. Talk to the internet later!

-A

Wahoo!!!

Hello internet!

Only 7 days until the Ren fest! I am above excited! Things are shaping up really well. Kirk can't decide what he wants to wear but other than that we are ready to go! The weather looks like it is going to cooperate with us. Supposed to be 76 and cloudy. Hopefully it will only rain the day b4 and the day after like weather.com says it will. I do NOT want to drag that dress though rain and sludge. That just seems horendous.

But other than the excitement about the ren fest not too much is going on around here. Kirk had an interview for a job at Dot Foods Thursday. He says that he thinks it went well. We wont know anything for a week or two. Then we will know if he goes to the next lvl of interviewing. So everyone keep praying, crossing your finger, or making to voodoo dolls. Whatever it is you do.

But Anyways quick post. Gonna get back to making dinner/ breakfast/ meal time stuff.
Oh Yeah!!!!
Super Mario Bros for the Wii comes out November 3rd! Very excited about that as well!

-A

Well....

Ok, listen. I can explain...

I know it has been a while since I've posted but I have been really busy. So let us begin!



Hello to the one person that follows this blog. LOL. AKA hi Jeremy.



So, renaissance festival in 10 days! Wahoo! Let the count down begin. I have officially finished the outfits and we have bought our tickets. Things are looking good. Now if it just wont rain that day, that would be great too. Weather.com says that it is supposed to rain the Friday before. So all of us are piling up in a car. 6 layers of dresses, muslin, canvas, and the guys vest things that I can't remember the name of. All into cars for a lovely 2 hour drive to Harveysburg, OH. Anyone wanna teach us how to teleport? Then its a lovely 2 hr drive back, undoubtably with battle axes, chain mesh, and any other sharp and pointy that my husband can get his hands on. Yep sounds like a normal trip for our group. I am above and beyond the call of duty for excited! Kinda just wanna hybernate until Saturday morning...

But on a not so great note...
work once again sucks. And not only does it suck but it couldn't have picked a better time to suck. Kirk's car is finally ready for us to pick up from the mechanic after two months of the poor guy completely redoing the electrical crap in the car. We have to come up with $400 relatively quickly. Luckly the mechanic is the father of a lifelong friend and was my dad pretty much until i was like 11 since mine wasn't there. So he said it was alright if we couldn't pay it all at once. So a little help but yeah work sucks....For approx 4 weeks work was steady, I was getting all the hours I was scheduled for, things were awesome. This week they have already called me off 3 times.
But on a good note about jobs, Kirk has an interview with Dot Foods Thursday @ 2:30. Hopefully that will go well and he will be able to get out of the hell hole that is threatening his life almost everyday. His feet still haven't completely healed from those stupid bundles.

Anyways, Kirk just got home so I am gonna quit venting now. Gonna try to keep up with this more too. Sorry everyone! ( Jeremy LOL)

- A

wow

Hello everyone. sorry it has been so long. Jeremy just reminded me that i have this thing. LOL. Well nothing too important has reallly happened since my party. Sam, Brandon, Kirk and I went to King's Island Saturday(18th). That was fun. They are got to ride the vortex, diamondback, firehawk, and racer. i only rode the racer and hated every second of it. I am not a fan of the "falling" feeling. All in all we had a really good time though. Left here at 8am. hit a detour and then finally made it there by like 9:35. stayed until 7pm when my feet absolutely would not hold me anymore. I'm sure they could've gone on until midnight as planned. I feel pretty bad about making all of them come back so soon. I got an airbrushed hoodie that says "we survived king's island '09 Kirk and Autumn". I really feel like it was a survival thing. LOL. Don't know if i would be up for going back or not. There were some really good points to the day. When we took a break from rides and lines we went to the arcade and Sam hit the jackpot on one of those games where you watch the light and hit the button. that was awesome. She said that is the first big thing she has ever one. Got a picture of her with the game holding up the massive amount of tickets. I got a video of them on the firehawk too. Well gotta get too work. Might be late actually. lol. Try to write more later!

-A

Jewelry party June 20th (Saturday) and 12-noon. All welcome! bring your friends and your friend's friends! Chips Cookies and drink will be here. RSVP please. Need to know chairs and food amounts. Everyone should know my cell number.

Hello to all! We have finally gotten internet! Woohoo for Bridgemaxx! So i will now be able to check up on things and to email and stay in touch with everybody. Im so very excited. its nice to be able to just look something up when i need it. Hopefully this will all work out for the better of my life on 8th street. no more of kirk and me annoying each other bc one is playing games and the other has nothing to do. Good times! Gonna go play some more now. Bye!

Small Countries Beware!!!

Well, there hasn't been a post in a long time bc guess what?! Autumn hasn't had internet! I just spent 62 minutes and 58 seconds of my precious life trying to understand technilogical speak of someone with a very strong accent. I am about to invade small countries! all this over a game walk thru so my hubby can find all the things that he is missing on his game. i love my husband i love my husband i love my husband. AHHHHH!!!!

But anyways. June 5th is my wonderful husband's birthday. we were going to go to king's island but the people that we were going to go with kinda skipped out on us. Money issues. So we are probably going to have to find something else to do. big bummer for him. He was really looking forward to it. Maybe a nice dinner and a movie? IDK. Whatever he wants to do. It is his birthday. We may ask his mom if they want to combine our wedding dinner with his birthday dinner and take us to the melting pot that saturday. Again that is his choice though.

Called the vet and my poor little puppy who has 72 teeth will have to get half of them pulled. They said that it is common in small dogs. especially the extremes of the breed. Their puppy teeth dont fall out so their adult teeth just grow in behind them. They said that she puppy teeth can cause the adult teeth to rot so they have to be pulled. Poor baby. Our Corgi is going in for his shots and a physical. the poor thing was born in october and hasnt had anything. i know i know. we are bad pet owners! Hopefully everything will get straightened out on that front soon.

Other than that nothing is really going on at our house. Just day to day things. Vacuum, dishes, yell at puppies...

OH!!!! I did sell my african grey. I guess i forgot bc i have had like a week to get used to the idea. she is rather happy in her new home. She gets out every day and there are kids there. She is still trying to get used to that but Billie told me that she is up to letting the kids pet her. progress! Hopefully she will get used to it all very soon.

But yeah that is all. Until next time!

Hello all! Another exciting day in the life of the Lowe family. Not actually. Just sitting around with nothing to do. We are getting pretty excited about our plan for the renaissance festival this year. We are going two different times. Once with our friends the Whitecottons and then once with my grandparents. This was especially surprising. They hadn't shown any interest any of the other years that we went. I was actually asking them more as a joke, but low and behold grandpa said that he wanted to go. New things happen when one retires. We are also planning on going to king's island with sam and brandon. Camping trip with that one too. Much to my dismay they are dead set on attempting to get me on a roller coaster. I told them i can be a very good cheer leader but i was not heard. I forsee much medication needed. lol. sigh. Anyways. Easter was cool. a Little crazy cause we didnt know where all we needed to be until like the day of. we went to louise's for about an hour and then we were late getting to brent's grandmother's and we got an ear full over that. We were there for about another hour trying to beat the kids off with a stick. Not really. we would never hurt a stick like that. lol. Then we had a nice couple of rounds with sam and brandon of monopoly. It took 7 minutes to order a stupid pizza. we joked that we could have made one faster. The man that answered the phone really wasn't all that bright. Allwell. Jeremy came over to see the pictures that we hung up. that made me feel good. I wanted him to get to see them. Easter went well with only minimum yelling. Good enough for me. LOL.

Hello! Just thought i would write up some new stuff here. Kirk and I are doing well. We are patiently awaiting the arival of our tax refund check. I do believe there is a new TV in our future! Our puppies are doing well. Ragnar is losing his puppy teeth so he is chewing on anything that will fit in his mouth. However cute this is it wasn't very cute when he took off with my spool of thread this morning. *sigh* After a few hundred threats of crate and "bad dog" the well loved and thouroughly slobered thread was deposited in my favorite crocs. Needless to say i had to continue with a different thread. So is the life on Beech St. Kirk is working a 4 day weekend so I am running around like a chix with it's head cut off trying to find things to keep myself entertained. One can only play Wii Fit for so long. After that legs do tend to give out. With all this free time you would think that I have a remarkably clean house. Nope. Shoes everywehre. Dishes and Laundry to be done. Not that great of a house keeper. LOL. Much to the dissmay of my mother in law but we won't go into that again. Allwell. Gonna go for now. Have any ideas for things to do let me know!

oops!

Wow! way too long since i have posted on here. lol. just goes to show how long its been since i have been to grandma's with a computer! well I have started violin lessons and those are going well. The man that is teaching me is from grandparents church so naturally the only songs i know so far are church songs besides twinkle twinkle little star. amazing grace and a spotty and squeaky ill fly away. I'm really liking it though. i just got a nice full size violin. This will be my fist week taking it. Its really fun. well i think it is. Kirk doesn't wanna sit through a lesson with me though. lol. guess he doesn't like to listen to me squeak. Paul is teaching me to play by ear. He plays something and kinda tells me how to do it..."first finger, third finger...second string...no no i said second string" and then i play it and then we go onto the next thing. Its fun and challenging. Every monday at 5pm. He is very patient wich is good bc im not very patient with myself. I get frustrated when my brain knows what to do but somehow it doesnt quite get down to my fingers.

Aunt Stephie has her surgery thursday and 10am. a wicked hour to be doing anything let alone letting people cut on you. this is one of those surgeries that i dont know how to spell. One of the ones that make peole lose weight bc they pretty much dont have a stomach anymore. Hopefully this will help her with the other problem that i cant spell with her knees and her ankles and the really bad pain. I'm thinking about how im going to get up there. kirk works thursday. so he cant take me. grandparents are leaving at 7am but if i go with them i would have to pressure them to be back in time for me to get kirk up for work. that would be bad. i dont wanna have to make them come back before they are ready. Kirk and i may just have to go up on the weekend. I hope she understands. i dont want to over whelm her with people on a day when she is probably going to be stressed anyways. 

Anyways so i have taken up yet another hobby. Flowers! it all started with this $1 little green shrub looking thing at wal mart that didnt look like it could be easily killed. I'm always looking for ways to make the house look better since i dont want to put anything into the lot that we would have to leave when we left. So i bring it home water it and stick it in my kitchen window....and forget about it. About a week later i remember and check on it and it's this pretty pink flower thing! Lo and behold i had picked up a hyacinth. It is still doing well and now has three other window mates. All of them hyacinths. I now have 1 pink, 2 blue and 1 white. They are all doing well. Only the pink one has bloomed to date but i am looking forward to the other ones. Especially the blue.

Saturday March 21, 2009 i fell in love. Kirk and i were at wal mart and for once the had a wii fit. Kirk and i debated for a while as i was wanting "Twilight" since it had just come out on dvd that day. He said i could have one or the other. Where's the fun in that? I decided to go with the wii fit hoping that maybe at the least it would be something new to do and at the most that it will help me lose some weight that lovely birth control and an addiction to pizza rolls has put on. Well im over at my friend sam's and her husband and i start playing with this thing and i just cant quit! its so much fun! Who would have thought that a 280 lb person would be saying that exercise is fun?! well currently i am regretting the hours of hula hooping and running in place and balancing board activities as my calves are mutinying my every movement. lol. i will get it all worked out soon though. 

Anyways. Kirk and i are thinking of going to Richmond so im gonna go now. Bye!

"Leave out all the Rest"

By: Linkin Park

I Dreamed I was Missing

You Were so Scared

But No one Would Listen

'Cause No one Else Cared

After my Dreaming

I Woke with this Fear

What am I Leaving

When I'm Done Here?

So if You're Asking me I Want You to Know

When My Times Comes

Forget the Wrong that I've Done

Help me Leave Behind Some

Reasons to be Missed

Don't Resent me

And When You're Feeling Empty

Keep me in Your Memory

Leave out all the Rest

Leave out all the Rest

Don't be Afraid

I've taken my Beating

I've Shed What I've Made

I'm Strong on the Surface

Not All the Way Through

I've Never Been Perfect

But Neither Have You

So if You're Asking Me, I Want You to Know

When My Time Comes

Forget the Wrong that I've Done

Help me Leave Behind Some

Reasons to be Missed

Don't Resent me and When You're Feeling Empty

Keep me in Your Memory

Leave out all the Rest

Leave out all the Rest

Forgetting all the Hurt Inside You've

Learned to Hide so Well

Pretending Someone else Can Come and Save me from Myself

I Can't be Who You Are

When my Time Comes

Forget the Wrong that I've Done

Help me Leave Behind Some

Reasons to be Missed

And Don't Resent me and when You're Feeling Empty

Keep me in Your Memory

Leave out all the Rest

leave out all the Rest

Forgetting all the Hurt Inside You've Learned to Hide so Well

Pretending Someone else can Come and Save me from Myself

I can't be Who You Are

I can't be Who You Are

Venting

Hello! well i am over at my grandmothers trying to help her sort out her prescription medicine. Why does this have to be so difficult? She was on hold for an hour yesterday trying to get a hold of someone to talk to to figure out why she is not recieving her medicine by mail. Well i would think that people would not make getting medicine so difficult! People need their medicine. She can't just go to the store and pick it up. The insurance requires her to recieve it by mail or they will charge her more. That is reduculous considering that they are now closing down their mail service! I don't know. How is anyone supposed to get anything finished when there isn't anyone to talk to?